3 Signs Your Child Is a Hacker

It is not often I get a real good laugh at something I read on the Internet.  The following list is an exception however.  This information was posted on a site called Adequacy.org, proclaiming itself as ‘news for grown-ups’.  Did you ever want a surefire guide to tell if your son was a ‘l337 hax0r’?  Well this is not it by any means.

2. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

Most American families use trusted and responsible Internet Service Providers, such as AOL. These providers have a strict “No Hacking” policy, and take careful measures to ensure that your Internet experience is enjoyable, educational and above all legal. If your child is becoming a hacker, one of his first steps will be to request a change to a more hacker friendly provider.

I would advise all parents to refuse this request. One of the reasons your son is interested in switching providers is to get away from AOL‘s child safety filter. This filter is vital to any parent who wants his son to enjoy the internet without the endangering him through exposure to “adult” content. It is best to stick with the protection AOL provides, rather than using a home-based solution. If your son is becoming a hacker, he will be able to circumvent any home-based measures with surprising ease, using information gleaned from various hacker sites.

We all know so many Internet users choose AOL right?  I would have really loved a definition of what a hacker friendly ISP is as well.  According to this guide that your son or daughter could easily circumvent home-based protection and filtering, it’s best to stick with AOL for their filtering.  This is a joke right? (Sadly, no)

2.  Are you finding programs on your computer that you don’t remember installing?

Your son will probably try to install some hacker software. He may attempt to conceal the presence of the software in some way, but you can usually find any new programs by reading through the programs listed under “Install/Remove Programs” in your control panel. Popular hacker software includes “Comet Cursor”, “Bonzi Buddy” and “Flash”.

The best option is to confront your son with the evidence, and force him to remove the offending programs. He will probably try to install the software again, but you will be able to tell that this is happening, if your machine offers to “download” one of the hacker applications. If this happens, it is time to give your son a stern talking to, and possibly consider punishing him with a grounding.

I didn’t know Adobe Flash was a ‘hax0r’ application.  I guess I’m getting too old!  But don’t forget about that grounding.

3.  Has your son radically changed his appearance?

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. Hackers tend to dress in bright, day-glo colors. They may wear baggy pants, bright colored shirts and spiky hair dyed in bright colors to match their clothes. They may take to carrying “glow-sticks” and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this) There are many such hackers in schools today, and your son may have started to associate with them. If you notice that your son’s group of friends includes people dressed like this, it is time to think about a severe curfew, to protect him from dangerous influences.

If you began restricting this kind of dress code, you could lock up half your child’s school.  Glow sticks might be more indicative of a raver than a hacker, but we likely have the movie ‘Hackers’ to thank for this one.

Content provided by Adequacy.org

This information was written satirically to all the posts you read by parents online asking if their child is a hacker.  Most of these queries by parents are often fueled by 60 Minutes stories or CNN investigations into the ‘underground’ hacker culture of the Internet.  These stories are typically extremely exaggerated.  Oh wait, you disagree with that statement.  60 Minutes story on Conficker a few weeks ago is a perfect example.

“They call their weapons viruses and worms – they’re creepy, crawly toxic software that contaminate our computers without our ever knowing it. You can be infected by simply visiting your favorite Web site, or just by leaving your computer on, overnight while you’re asleep. “  – Lesley Stahl – 60 Minutes-March 29th, 2009

Wow, makes you want to turn your computer off right?

Just know your kids folks, just know your kids.